The Case of the Wrong Potion
by Silmuen
Summary: Some potions can cause real complications NEW CHAPTER UP!!!!!!!!!!!
1. Default Chapter

All right...I don't own Garrett or anything from Thief, it ALL belong to Eidos and LGS...but the characters except Baff and Garrett are MIIINNNEEEEEEEE...well...just wanted to post it here to check what kind of reaction it might trigger...before I make a real fool out of myself. Plliz no flames... ............................................................................ .......................................................................  
  
"Love is like the measles, we all have to go through it." Jerome K. Jerome (Three Men In A Boat)  
  
Dramatis Personnae: Garrett: the unfortunate Master Thief Inspector Rosebud: the right man on the right track Ravenwing: the awesome Psychomage( (7feet tall)  
  
Lady Monika: femme fatale wiz a strange accent  
  
Lord Bafford: ...  
  
He was destined to unravel A shame in the threads of history  
  
The One followed the twisted path of ridicule  
  
And the balance was thus...fucked up. Keeper Singaya  
  
A gloomy evening shadowed with its depressing weather everything that Inspector Rosebud was doing. Sitting back in his chair and sipping another drink, he thought wearily of his work. Underestimated, underpaid, and lonely. Lighting a crumpled cigarette, he looked blankly at the door of his office. His name had its last letter smeared off by some of his cranky colleagues.  
His gaze shifted back onto his dirty desk. A picture in the yesterday's newspaper drew his attention. A young lady in party dress, blond abundant hair, a dazzling smile...Lady Monika, in short. The headline mixed the news of a new scandal she was involved in with the report on her husband, Lord Bafford's newest acquisition, the Golden Mincing Device. The item was reputed to be an extremely sophisticated contraption of the Mechanist. It was simply priceless.  
  
He sighed, as he pulled the blinds and saw torrents of rain outside, transforming the world into a blur of gray, insubstantial shadows. These shadows were forming into different shapes in his mind. A pretty servant girl from the Cockroach Inn, scurrying white mice, (the last probably due to overuse of alcohol) He was waiting for just any job that might appear.( even if it appeared just outside his window) Shamefully, he admitted that he would even take up spying on rich people's husbands and wives. That at least was a lucrative job, if a little undignified.  
  
Someone knocked at the door. He spun around, surprised, spilling his drink in the process.  
  
"Come in." He said, trying to rub the alcohol off his shirt. He looked at the person who had walked in and his jaw dropped real low. "Holy Burrick's Shit!" flashed through his muddled brain. She was the most beautiful and elegant creature he had ever seen. She looked at him, fluttering her long black eyelashes. Rosebud gulped loudly. It was THE lady Monika in person.  
  
"H-how can I help you, madam?" he managed to ask.  
  
"I indeed need yourr help, Herr Inspector. I've hearrd of yourr indizputable rreputation and thiz inzpired me to choze you." She made a worried grimace which only added to her charm.  
  
"I am afraid, Mr. Rozebud that, you simply may be too buzy to help me...zo much work, zo many rezponsibilitiez-"  
  
"No need to worry, madam. I am at your service. How can I help you?"  
  
"Oh," she lowered her gaze. "It iz a very delicate matter. It cannot go outside thiz offiz."  
  
"I assure you, madam, your secrets will be kept."  
  
"I do hope zo." She nodded. "My huzband haz been harazed by a terrible villain lately. Thiz man zimply wishez to ruin my huzband's life!" She put her hand to her forehead in a dramatic movement.  
  
"And who is this villain and how does he harass your husband, madam?" Looking into these eyes he became suddenly zealous to help the lady in distress.  
  
"Ah, he disgracez him! Sendz him love letterz, singz zerenades underneath my husband's window!!! The zinging! 'Tis too much, too much indeed to stand!" Tears filled her eyes.  
  
"But who is he?!" Rosebud felt suddenly like he was a hero in some grand drama, perhaps and opera by Mr. Cribbs. The dramatic moment made his heart float in the spotlight.  
  
"The Master Thief Garrett, himzelf."  
  
Flashback   
  
Garrett was chuckling to himself softly and sitting safely in the shadows on a wall, dangling his feet. He was the only one thief in town who had the audacity to sneak into the special vault building where Bafford kept his treasures. (Some would say he was the only one foolish enough). A guard passed by and Garrett dropped down, blackjacking the guard while airborne.  
  
Garrett was in a good mood, something that didn't happen quite often recently. He couldn't have missed an occasion like this. And he certainly wouldn't miss anything of importance on his way. He opened a door and discovered a room lined with shelves. He took a good look at their contents -bottles of various sizes, colors and shapes. Potions. Healing potions, and many other elixirs. He picked some of them and put them carefully in his bag. He sniggered. Surely there were Bafford's relaxing herbs. No wonder he needed them, losing his scepter required some medicine administered to his wounded pride.  
  
Garrett continued down the corridor, growing increasingly uneasy. Something was not right. It was too quiet. Suddenly, he took a step back, and ducked into shadows. Two guards were coming, talking loudly to each other.  
  
"How'd he hire you again, buddy?" one of them was saying. "you messed up your last job pretty bad ...at his mansion."  
  
"Same ' bout you." A sulky voice answered hi, which Garrett instantly recognized as Benny's. "I gave a different name and they signed me up!"  
  
"Hey, that's strange cuz I did exactly the same thing...." the other guard said. Benny snorted. "Heh. Good thinking, I'd say." His friend seemed worried. "You know, pal, there's something wrong about you. You always seem to draw trouble. You must be bewitched or sumfin'."  
  
"Naaaaaah..." Benny waved his hand. They were now close to Garrett's place of hiding. "Just my rotten luck."  
  
And to show his disgust for his rotten luck, he spat at the shadows. And he heard a yelp. No wonder, as he gave Garrett his top notch, full version, contest winning spit ball. Right in the eye. Keeper training or not, it was too much even for Garrett. "THIEEEEEEF!!!" Benny roared and began bashing at the shadows with his sword, not willing to become shamefully blackjacked again by an unseen attacker. Garrett did what he could to dodge the mad jerks of the blade, but it finally struck home. Wounded, he jumped back and bolted off back the way he came form.  
  
"Benny and his pal have finally got better of me." Garrett thought, wiping his face. "How original." The two passed him by, searching for him in vain. Finally they gave up and went in the direction of the bottle of wine Benny had left in the watch-room. Coming back to the spot of the spit attack, Garrett felt that the wound was bleeding profusely and took out a bottle, uncorked it and drank.  
  
Strange.  
  
No restorative effect. Just a weird feeling of dizziness. Hiccuping quietly, he looked at the bottle. It looked just the same as any other healing potion vial. At the bottom there was a label. "Ravenwing. Awesome Psychomage." Garrett shrugged and put the bottle back, bewildered. A feeling of artificial excitement filled him. "Great. Now I'm stoned." After careful examination, he risked draining another bottle. This time, the potion worked the way it should, but it didn't nullify the strange state he was in. Hoping that the effect would soon wear off, he moved on, approaching the core of the complex. The vault room.  
  
"Hey, now, that's really weird." Garrett became alarmed by the total absence of guards or security systems. He listened hard for a time, before cautiously stepping into the gas-lit area. The vault door were just before him. Taking out the device that activated the opening system, he put his ear to the metal door. Silence. The device clicked into place and the door swung open. And there, in full light, elegantly dressed for the occasion stood lord Bafford himself.  
........................................ Garrett blinked, trying to tear his gaze away from the man. Bafford was chuckling evilly. Garrett knew it was a perfect time for a flash-bomb-and- bolt-off procedure, but he was frozen in place. The sensation of dizziness overcame him again. He felt his heart suddenly beat faster, faster ...a warm feeling filled it. Garrett panicked.  
............................................................................ ................................................................ So ...this ....certain...thing...will be continued....so please have mercy on me....chocolate Burricks for all reviewers... 


	2. The Serenade

All right, thank you for reviewing!!!! Chocolate burricks for you all...  
  
Greenhorn: Keep writing. Back to work  
  
Me: Yessir. A burrick? No ? Any chance?  
  
Sim Master: Gimme a chocolate burrick!!!! Oh. Thx, It has a relly strange taste... Well about those love letters and drugs...  
  
Me: Don't you worry...  
  
Sim Masted: But...  
  
Me: Do you doubt oh Unbeliever? Take another one.  
  
Lunatic Pandora: A Gay Potion !  
  
Me: Sees you soon the mysteries of destiny!!!! (want a burrick?)  
  
Alice: Oh I knew you were goin got submit it here! Baaaad baaaaad girl  
  
Me: Aaall right. I 'll try to be a good girl, maybe if I eat enough chocolate burricks I will become one.  
  
All right. I know this doesn't make sense, but so doesn;t the idea of choclate burricks. Can you imagine what they put inside of those? Now on to the story:  
  
  
"This villain. How do you know it was ...this Garrett." Rosebud asked, looking around him, surveying the richly furnished study. They were in lord Bafford's study, and lady Monika was handing him a bunch of perfumed pink sheets of paper.  
  
"Ze letters, I think you should take a look at zem. Zey're quite bizarre." "I see, madam, but you haven't answered my question..."he put an official air of a Bluecoat policeman. He was in charge now.  
  
"Ah, he....actually was here, trying to rob my husband. And somehow he managed to escape. Zaid something like to him: Farewell, my love, I shall return to express my true feelings for you.!!!..and in seconds was gone." "This isn't his style, from what I heard" Rosebud frowned. Lady Monika seemed distressed by his answer, and fluttering her fan (a very big one with little Baffords with his sceptre painted on it)  
  
"Not his style? Are you perchance worried about ze villain?? Zink of my husband. The poor zing." She fluttered her fan, and little Baffords made a cartoon sequence movements. From what Rosebud judged they were dancing the river dance.  
  
It was late at night that Rosebud finally understood what exactly lady Monika meant by the term "harassment". At first they heard a faint sound of someone clearing his throat and then came an opera -like  
  
"Meeemeemeemeeeeeeeeee"  
  
singing preparation. There was a chord stricken on a some instrument which sounded like a harp. (but Rosebud couldn't tell for sure because it was out of tune in a most outrageous way). Rosebud and the Lady were in the living room and the doors to the balcony were wide open as it was a warm summer night...The warm summer night stopped its ears not to hear the following ballad:  
  
"Harken unto my thump...eeer....bleeding heart Here I am stricken with love for you Your eyes green emeralds, your cherry lips And your fat cheeks Your red nose And the mole on your chin Charmeth me more than the clink of gold Oh, do come out onto the balcony I do beseech thee, precious Bafford... For " the orchard walls are high and hard to climb" And I wait restlessly Thine presence I crave more than wealth And no more expect I quick retirement ...."  
  
The sounds which were supposed to be singing went on for some time, before Rosebud walked onto the balcony to spy out the intruder. The singer might have been bad, but he was a great sneak...Nowhere to be seen, but unfortunately everywhere to be heard.  
  
"Aaah, shut up!" yelled Rosebud and the singing stopped and a bemused silence followed.  
  
"Zo dis was the villain himzelf." Said lady Monika. "I haf dizpatched guards to catch him many, many times but zey couldn't find him. Zo unfortunate!!! Letz hope he stops for now..."  
  
"Where is lord Bafford by the way?"  
  
"oh, I think he is in his bedroom with a headache...poor zing!"  
  
"Yeah, ...no wonder..." Rosebud glanced at the window, his gaze almost pleading. Garrett would better have refrained from...erm ....singing that night, or he'd be pursued by Rosebud until the great detective got him. The Hammers should invent a new punishment for crimes like these.  
  
  
  
Garrett was in his room in a peculiar position, with his head in a bucket of ice cold water. He pulled it out and started puffing and coughing. It didn't help. From time to time he was seized by those attacks and then he grabbed a harp and went singing underneath Baff's balcony or sat down to wrote most peculiar love letters, the latter of which was at least safe. As long as he remained in this uncontrollable state he had to strain all his thieving abilities to their limits not to get caught. He didn't even dare to think how ridiculous this was... He simply HAD to get rid of the stupid spell. Especially that it didn't seem to wear off. Well, time to pay mister Ravenwing, the psychomage a visit...  
  
  
  
Mister Ravenwing the Psychomage () nodded thoughtfully, appearing to listen to his patient's babbling.  
  
"And my wife bought this crazy contraption and it makes unbelievable racket, it .... mister Ravenwing, ....I swear to you .....it is almost as if it ...TALKED!!! It has its own language...It talks to meeeeee." Ravenwing nodded again and said: "yes...yess...what exactly did it say..."  
  
"That...that...THE END IS NEAR!!!!"  
  
"What do you mean ...?" the mage was already dozing off by this stage.  
  
"That the mincing machines will...take...over ....uss.....the city will be overcome...with them...."  
  
At this point the mage counted to ten until the patient's wheezing died off and then said in his usual calm voice. "two pills of ProZaccheus everyday...yes...I am sure it helps...as always..."  
  
"Next!"  
  
"Birrrrds...mister psychomage....birrrrds....they are everywhere!!!! I am turning  
  
into....a....a...bird of preyyy, yesss." The man sitting in front of the Psychomage was looking positively like a vulture. Ravenwing was getting philosophical in times like this. People were rather like vultures...the uncompromising predators...The City had that particular effect on people. The good old city...  
  
"Prey...err.. pray tell me mister...eee....Razmirez haven't the Fly-It- Yourself book I lent you help at all?"  
  
"I am afraid it ...hasn't."  
  
"Very well, I mean very unfortunate that Then you will be the first one to test my Extraordinary Potion for Undelusioning () . 500 please" "Yes doctor, I'd be so happy to buy it." Ravenwing turned to call in another patient.  
  
"Nest!!! I mean Next!"  
  
  
  
Heee heeee heeee heeeee. Crazy completely crazy. But I hope u liked it....at lest enough not to kill me for this!!!! Hey, next time you RRReaview CHOCOLATE ARROWS for everyone....milk chocolate, and so on. Whew. Why is chocolate so much on my mind lately...I wonder. So please, be merciful  
  
And big thanks to SIM MASTER for reminding me of the rating . I totally forgot about the little f-wordie. Whew!!!! 


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